Tuesday, April 12, 2005
poem inspired by a post by Hungry Poet.....thanks again Current mood: curious
finger tapping on the arm of a old ripped couch...waiting patiently to be impressed.finger pushing an unruly strand....watch it until it reaches the ear and eyes back to mouth to watch as trailing hair falls from corner of mouth. Finger pressed to temple...sliding away and taking the line of salty sweat that tickles the skin. One hand up with finger to signal....the hand wants its partner or the knee it has grown accustomed to lie upon. Finger used and abused, the evening completely spent...no more to note for now....fall into a cab, and watch her finger trace the steamy window at battle with hot and cold....she squeaks out a message that just says, "and then there were two" pressing cold finger to his tip on the index, letting it curl around meaning much more than holding the whole thing. Later he watches that finger slide up her throat and cheek and teasing the lips as she allows you to part her ruby kiss, and suggestively welcomes that finger with the open mouth and wrap of the tongue.He's satisfied with the intentionally placed look of innocence as she looks up, knowing that it's anything but......because she gave no second thought.....and doesn't even care that he has yet to wash his hands. She accepts his promiscuous finger along with all that is him.RainyAmberMullis05

post from another....people who love you
I got this from another's comment column.....i'd like to think it's all true1. At least 2 people in this world love you so much they would die for you.2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.6. You mean the world to someone.7. If not for you, someone may not be living.8. You are special and unique.9. Someone that you don't even know exists, loves you.10. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.11. When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look: you most likely turned your back on the world.12. When you think you have no chance of getting what you want, you probably won't get it, but if you believe in yourself, probably, sooner or later, you will get it.13. Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks.14. Always tell someone how you feel about them; you will feel much better when they know.15. If you have a great friend, take the time to let them know that they are great.

Help me catch a well thought out diguise..... Current mood: thirsty
the green hides beneath the yellow today...and for many days before, and for many days to come.....the pollen is jealous of the obvious lushness of green and how it doesn't make me cry and ache in the head the minute I take a big deep breath and take in the world. I watched the rain fall for about five minutes....it only made a paste out of the layer of film covering the world. I drive on burning pavement.....people passing or being left behind never second guessing the changing of lanes so fast. I'll make my way just as fast......but with more caution as the dust crackles and flies against the window. Better that its outside and only the wind.
Monday, March 28, 2005
i need a smaller fuzzy sweater Current mood: listless
today is cold, its been raining and each venture out leaves a chill in my knuckles.....just a few days ago i was trapsing around without shoes or sleeves to cover my tanarexic arms. The indecisive weather has my head in a bubble, and my nose sniffling constantly from the lack of warmth for more than a day. I stare at my clothes and I want to burn the shirts I used to hide in, nothing the right size anymore, and now my hard-earned confidence just gets swallowed in the cotton, and no head learns to look high.
Thursday, February 24, 2005
flibbertigibbet Current mood: recumbent
i stare up at my ceiling and glance over the bad feng shui. the unfinished sky in my room groans with the creeping ripples through of water.....finding its way back to recycle through soil. i long to absorb my own soul through tiny escape hole found on a loop. I was watching random nothing on late night tv......something that by now i should have given up on....news is shit and politically biased...all tv shows have turned to reality....movies are edited and the only thing worth watching is foul mouthed animated shows that not all people find entertaining. well, a part of the movie before my eyes got me to thinking about things i find pathetic and agitating to the mind. Stupid movie, girl getting drunk to get brave enough to slut it up to some guy, guy pretending like slutty hot girl has a brain, ignoring hideous lack of intelligence and shrieking laugh, making out ensues.....all of a sudden because of lack of oxygen to small brain...girl gets dizzy, starts to lose clear vision, quickly takes leave for bathroom only to stumble.....digusted guy, if persistent holds hair and offers rag.....only to stick around momentarily to realize that she isn't going to stop being sick...writes off all possibility of continuing after a good tooth brushing.....and he'll probaly give her another try on another night, she'll probaly be just as drunk and even more uninteresting because now she feels confident in her ability to keep him entertained...she crosses her fingers and pretends the vodka she's downing is water and that it won't come back to haunt when she's gets her target alone. Why this situation pesters me so, i have so many reasons or thoughts as to why i even give such crap a moment of time in my thoughts. i guesse if i get the words out and one person reads it and realizes they are what they are reading.....and second guesse the shallow meanderings that they sell as truth....and the crap that they represent is a pile of steaming nothing...if that realization would make a slight change in them........i think that if it was possible for me to know about such reaction, then i would feel a satisfaction that only comes after a long stretch of needing something. and these are the women that get chosen over us ladies......solution.....use your smarts and beauty hand in hand, don't dumb it down simply because the guy looks great but no brain to match...wait it out for the guy who can keep up with your thoughts, keep up with your actions, and keep up with the whiskey you are drinking and know quite confidently you won't be throwing up later in the bathroom. You may have a challenge, but isn't it always fun to watch a guy trying to get you drunk, and not realizing she is drinking him under the table....and secretly doesn't mind holding a cold rag to a forehead. He may be out of commission, but if you really liked him, there's no worry about regrets over sleeping with someone the very first night you met.....and he'll wake up with a headache and a determination to prove to you he doesn't get drunk and just pass out all the time. But, why take my advice......hell i could be the drunk girl puking and laughing through snotty tears....shhhyeah right...
Thursday, February 17, 2005
Melliflous Thinking Current mood: quixotic
A couple of years ago.......well a a couple of few yrs ago, in a probaly JD enhanced stupor, we are making up our imaginary band. The list of members was long, the instruments, no matter how small, had to have their very own player. The name of the band, I won't reveal......I'm always hearing of words being used when I or my friends had been using them forever......case in point beyonce with her bootylishious......that was written on the top of a tin that sat on our coffee table YEARS before she doned it webster recognizable......and just the other day I was expressing my love for the word fisticuffs.......sounds dirty....but no, just feisty and possibly dangerous. There I sat reading details.....and I'll be shit if the interviewer of the rock didn't start out a paragraph using that word...i know i know its not mine, but that word is outdated.....no one uses it anymore, unless you found yourself fond of it. And I did, and sometimes I think i like words more than people, not the words that rest in the mouths of other people, but those silent meaningful things.....that unlike the rest of us, won't change what they meant to begin with. And vday sucked......i found myself parked in front of a bar when I was out job hunting, and I had stopped to use the phone and jot some notes down......I looked up and knew I was meant to be there. I really didn't look up from my books or drink until it was too late for me to wait and pee at home.....i had been drinking Jack on the rocks and not budging because I didn't want to have to tell some chet chetterson to come up off my seat. If you don't know what one of those guys are......ask someone, ya might be one, and that is something anyone in their right mind wouldn't want to be subjected to in a bar and full up on whiskey. I was the only girl, a bar full of men and a room full of couples....I proceeded quickly to get me a high gravity beer at the nearest package store. Needless to say........I really do hate Valentines day.....and not for the fucking generic reason everyone else seems to think i hat it for or why most girls are bitter on that day...I aint bitter about that day, I can think of a whole lot more than feb 14 to cause me to be pissed with this world. It's fun to watch how most people.....women primed for being ready to give up their soul just to have a warm body beside them....yes pretty much especially those women who are rampant these days.....do the what I call the VD scramble....it's like christmas shopping on the day after thanksgiving....as soon as the new year is over the latches start to form around the nearest available prey. yes that day really angers me, because all year long miserable couples are assholes to each other and see no reason to just appreciate.......find time to ruin my whole day with the sight of teddy bears......and chocolate.....even chocolate teddy bears....as far as i see it i outgrew stuffed teddy bears long ago....I love toys still don't get me wrong...but I want something like that given to me only if i or that stuffed present for some reason were meant to be together. Like when i bought me and my best friend two stuffed squirrels.....love the damn squirrels and that will alway remind each other about one of the funniest things to ever go down in or because of our presence. yeah the world never ceases to amaze me and then i watch its occupants letting themselves become the predictable and just gradually fade into oblivious sentiment.
Tuesday, January 11, 2005
Subject to Cruel and Unusual Punishment Current mood: blah
Peel back the piece of me that no longer waits to see if you are therepull the bandage quick before the glue lets you get stuck and then I'll be the one scalded as I run hot water over the spot to remove the rest of what's leftI'll not let you staynot even by defaultyou would't want to stay would you???I know I'd feel uncomfortable with the scratching feeling that would constantly wear at me....until the rest of what's leftwas finally all gone.